Journal Entry 24: Ember is Born

Jesus, if you’re not in it, I don’t want it.

Journal Entry 24: Ember is Born

By the title you can probably guess this journal entry is about our daughter. Ember, now 2 days old, has entered the wild place of Earth. This is another blessing from God, and thank you Jesus, she is healthy. Mom is well, she needed a couple pints of blood, but besides that, everything is good with her and she’s on the several weeks long path of healing and getting her body back to normal. Rainy told me she’s just happy to have no more tubes or IV’s stuck to her.

Ember took us for a wild week. Tuesday I clocked out of work early to run home and take Rainy to the ER. She was suffering dizzy spells, vision problems, and feared she was going to pass out at home with our two toddlers. Thankfully her sister came to the rescue, and I was able to get her to the hospital; while, sis watch the kids. At the ER and not to our surprise, Dee was very low on iron. She’d been fighting with iron for most of this pregnancy. After hours of being poked and prodded with some good nurses and doctors that I am thankful we had, we went home with an appointment for an iron transfusion the next day.

Next day Rainy and I are off to the hospital for the iron transfusion. My boss, being awesome, gave me the day off to be with Rainy through what was supposed to be a 6 hour process. It turned out to be almost a 9 hour process, but Rainy got through it. It was the ultimate challenge. We had to sit, in a small cubby of a room, for HOURS. Ok, so maybe not the most difficult, :) but it was boring. Rainy was glad she didn’t have to do it alone, and I was glad for her, because I’d of hated sitting there all day by myself. We mostly joked, ate, and talked. Really, not a bad time for two parents who rarely get time to ourselves.

5am rolled around the next morning, and I had to go to work. I was getting ready, about to head out the door actually, and Dee stopped me. She, while I was enjoying some good sleep, had been suffering contractions for two hours and wasn’t sure if this was it or not, go time or just practice. I called my boss, told her we were headed back to the hospital. Good thing we did too, because it was not practice. Day three of our hospital visiting week, and Dee was 3cm dilated with contractions going up and down like mountains on their charts. Doctor came in and said, “Yeah, you’re in labor.” Rainy, being Rainy, doesn’t do things the simple way. Every pregnancy has come to an end with an 18 to 24 hour labor intense send off. Ember would be no different.

24 hours later, no joking, we entered the hospital at 6 something Thursday morning, and Ember was born 6:12am Friday morning. Rainy of course would have loved to finish with a nice quick labor on our, should be, last child, but Ember wasn’t having it. Dee spent 24 hours getting from 3cm to 7cm and then, she felt a lot of pressure, and in less than 3 minutes after getting told she was 7cm she jumped to 10 and pushed 3 times to bring Ember into the world. Rainy was awesome, tired, and with what strength she had left, was all smiles and big cheeks as she held little Ember to her chest for some immediate skin to skin time.

The next day and a half was typical check-ins, labs, and making sure Rainy and Ember were healthy and fit to go home. I slept in a chair and then the floor both reminders I am not a young man anymore. My mother-in-law, known as Lolly, proved to be a life saver with snacks, and taking over when I passed out from moment to moment. Sorry to say, I am not a night person. Rainy, and she was so tired of being poked with needles after almost a week going to and from the hospital, suffered several more pokes, before she was cleared to go home.

Back at the house with our tribe and her own baby, Sis was the unseen hero. Sis took care of our kids and her own through this entire process. She missed a couple days of work for us, and even came over last night at almost midnight to see baby Ember and mommy. I was passed out. Remember, I am not a night person. Lolly, also, another hero for us, as she was there through it all at the hospital except the last day, Saturday, where she left that morning to take over caring for our littles back at home so Sis wouldn’t miss a 3rd day of work. So, thank you Sis and thank you Lolly, if we hadn’t of had yall it would have been a nightmare event.

And, most of all, thank you, Jesus. I, maybe because I’m a story teller, maybe because of something wrong within me, maybe just the enemy attacking my faith, but I fear the worst sometimes. This pregnancy being one of them. I was scared something would go wrong this pregnancy and something of a nightmare would be the result. I’ve had these fears each time, and I say this with some shame, as I know I should have better faith than this, but it’s true. I feared something tragic happening. Thank you, Jesus, no nightmares came true. Thank you, Jesus, Ember is healthy, Rainy is healthy, and we’re home.

Some people may say to those suffering fears like I did, that we’re not having faith. You may say such things even as you suffer fears and then turn anger towards yourself for lack of faith. I don’t agree. I don’t understand God or Jesus, but I am trying. I don’t have the wisdom of the prophets or the disciples, but I want it. I don’t think I’m capable of loving Jesus like he loves me, but I am thankful I have his love. I will never be worthy of his love, but Jesus loves me anyways. We are humans, so we are going to have bouts of weakness and struggles. This to me is normal, a sad normal, but a true one.

I suffered fears, but I also prayed and fought against them. This to me is a healthier way to handle such fears. I also knew, even if nightmares came, as such things do happen, even by the hand of God through his own wisdom and understanding, I knew I’d still believe and love Jesus. I don’t want to suffer, I don’t want my family to suffer, and I pray against such. This is healthy to me. So, if you have fears, don’t beat yourself up about them. Pray to Jesus about them. If those fears do come, rely on Jesus through them. If they don’t, thank Jesus they didn’t and then rely on Jesus through the next steps. Struggles come, and with faith and leaning on Jesus, we come out of those struggles better for it. Without faith and without leaning on Jesus during the struggles, well, we usually end up more broken and lost than we were. Trust that Jesus loves you, and lean on him, in the good and the hard times.

Jesus blessed my family with an awesome Sis that came to the rescue when needed. We’ve been blessed with an amazing Lolly (my mother-in-law) that drove down 4 hours away canceling all plans for the week to be with us. We have been blessed with a beautiful baby girl, Ember, and a mother/wife that is, every day, getting stronger.

Thank you, Jesus.

Trust that Jesus loves you.