Journal Entry 20: Thoughts and Life
Jesus, if you’re not in it, I don’t want it.
Journal Entry 20: Thoughts and Life
I’ll jump into this admitting I don’t understand. Probably not a great way to start an article, but it’s the truth that I’m trying to share here. Lately my mind has been bouncing around God’s creation, the how of it, and the why of it. God created us. I get that part. There is more than enough obvious proof that there is a being beyond time and creation that had to start all of this. Evolution and any other theory you throw at God, fails; because, every other theory tries to force a creation out of nothing. This is impossible no matter how much ‘time’ you throw at it. God, a being beyond time and creation, is the only answer, yet people will fight this.
My thoughts have been wrapping around the how God even is/exist. There’s no point in my admittedly ignorant mind that I can grasp anything existing without being created. This almost seems to break my mind; when I try to put the pieces together. I simply don’t understand. We come from and live in a world based on creation. This, I think, is where faith comes into play. I believe in God, I believe that Jesus is the son of God. I just don’t understand the miracle of existence. God created us, a being beyond measure and time, just decided to create us.
The creating part, creating us I mean, is strange to me. If you think about it, God created a people he knew, he absolutely knew, would fail him. God didn’t suffer heart ache or anger, I’m assuming, before he decided to create beings like the angels and humans. Angels defied him, a huge slap in the face. I feel like angels defiance is even more of an insult than our own, as they lived in heaven with God. Granted Adam and Eve had God in the gardens, so maybe I’m just separating the two because we don’t have God like the angels did. ANYWAYS, sorry, I can drift off in tangents easily. The point I was trying to make is that God created us knowing that we would cause him anger, frustration, possible pain, and eventually betrayal on an epic scale.
God created us anyways. The only thing that makes sense to me is that he did it out of love and the knowledge that his love would overcome our weakness. I guess, after rolling this over in mind for a while, some church, and some bible time, I guess God’s love overcame the hardships that creating us would bring. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying God needs us. He doesn’t. I’m saying, because he loves, he went through with his creation of us.
Example: I think of parenting. I don’t need my children. My children do not provide for me something I need to survive this life. In fact, in many ways, my children take from me what I need to survive. Yet, yet, I love them and wouldn’t trade my big family for a life without them.
A single person or even a couple without kids have freedoms like I have not known for . . . well, a long time. When your on your own your money is your money. You want to go out, get up and go out. You want a job that travels, so you can see the world. Go get one. You want to sleep in, so what, just do it. Want a sports car or big truck that only seats 2/3. Save up the money and buy one. Don’t care about large homes or apartments, it’s just you, get something small and live comfortable. Single living allows you to live selfishly without penalty of hurting someone else.
Parenting is a whole different life in comparison. You want to sleep in, too bad. Get your behind up, the kids are hungry and need you. You want to go out, hah, best pack up the family, check the bank account, and prepare for a stressful adventure that could be as mundane as grocery shopping or as wild as a vacation trip. You want a traveling job, it’ll cost you and your family heavy losses in love, trust, and time. You want a sports car or in my case a truck, well, if you got multiple kids like we do, that’s not happening. I could have a truck, but it would be difficult. My home is a creation of extra rooms, but I don’t think the average family has 9 children. We’re extra around here.
If you compare the two former paragraphs of examples it’s plain to see each life style is vastly different than the other. This is because of what it costs (from love to money and everything in between) to care for someone else. God, to my lack of understanding, chose to care for us knowing the cost. I am a dad and a husband and I cherish my family. I don’t know what it is to not have them. But I didn’t choose this life, I fell into it and hit the ground with my face. God chose us, and then he created an entire world wrapped by a universe for us. This is the moment I look at my life, our existence, and don’t understand why. I’m thankful, I am very thankful to be alive and to be brought into existence, I just wish I understood.
God chose us. Jesus chose to die for us and saved us. Even considering the cost of loving us, God chose to love us anyways. This is the miracle that I am in awe of. God loves us so much that he took on the pain of us, and then he created beauty in the form of an entire planet for us. God didn’t just create us. God created a planet for us. Our planet has billions of flowers, beautiful and weird creatures, majestic trees shadowed by sky high mountains that are dwarfed by oceans. God made us and then gave us a birthday present we sometimes forget is all around us all the time. God’s love is beyond my understanding. God’s love and generosity is beyond my mental capacity to gras, so that I can be in true awe and thankfulness.
I started this article by admitting I don’t understand. I still don’t understand. God, being before creation and already complete in his own right, created us, loves us, and continues to care for us despite our own foolishness. I don’t understand, and I admit this, but wow, I am thankful and will continue to try. My thoughts aren’t finished with this, but I have come to a peaceful point. Prayer to God usually bring peace, not always answers or what we want, but peace is generally God given. I don’t understand, but I can have faith. I am allowed to ask questions, God hasn’t shown me anger in being inquisitive. I am capable of not understanding yet still believing. I don’t understand, but this seems to reinforce my faith and my amazement at God.
Thank you, Jesus.