Journal Entry 13 Married Life

Jesus, if you’re not in it, I don’t want it.

Journal Entry 13 Married Life

          As messed up as it is I have two marriages I can speak of. My first was a ‘shotgun’ wedding; where, I knocked up my girlfriend and jumped into a courthouse marriage with her to try and make things right. I was saved, but I did not know Jesus well. I knew the teachings enough to know I was in the wrong. I did not have a relationship with Jesus. I didn’t even know what having a relationship with Jesus meant at the time. I listened to my lust and desires instead of wisdom. The fallout was horrible.

          My second marriage, still going thankfully, is one based on a much better foundation, Jesus. Rainy and I met on the job and things grew from there. This time, I didn’t knock her up shortly after meeting her. We talked, hung out at work. She worked later than me, and I had a couple hours free, until I had to pick up my kids from school. We spent nights on the phone with each other for hours. When Covid hit and she moved back home to her parents due to issues with work and covid, all we had were conversations together with texting throughout the days. Months of conversation and our faith in Jesus gave us exactly what we needed, a strong foundation.

          My previous article, “Journal Entry 12 My Home Is a Storm,” was about Christian homes and how not perfect they can be. This article is going to follow that path to some degree to show a lack of perfection. Christian marriages come with their own battles as well. Like my previous article mentions, we’re all humans and that means we’re flawed. Hopefully, between the two marriages I’ll be able to give some wisdom or at least some common ground to relate with.

          Before We Start: I was saved at 19, but still a fool of a Christian by the time I married my first wife, Latina (not her real name, but fits.)

          My first marriage to Latina was one of . . . foolishness turned desperation to make things right. We didn’t have a strong foundation. We didn’t look to Jesus but a few times and those times rarely lasted a week. I was turning into a wimp of a man that tried to keep her happy and the house taken care of. She was getting bored and running around doing everything she wasn’t supposed to. I was a naïve geek that knew very little about surviving on my own or street life. She was from the streets and had been surviving, painfully, on and off by herself for years. We were not a good match and we did not do well trying to blend. By the time we were leaning towards our 7th anniversary we’d fallen completely apart.

          Rainy and I celebrated our 4th anniversary this year and we’re still looking good. Truly I think the biggest difference is our faith. We both believe and know Jesus Christ. Rainy grew up rough in South America as a child, but came to the United States at 9. She was raised, with her sister, by two youth pastors of a great church. Rainy had her rebellious years, most of us do, but she came running back to Jesus before we met. We, like anyone sharing a life together, have arguments, yet we work through them under Jesus. Jesus, for us, is our foundation that keeps us melding together and becoming better.

          Comparing Notes:

1. Latina and I didn’t take the time to develop a foundation through knowledge of each other or Jesus Christ. We just kind of leaped in.

1. Rainy and I had foundations in Jesus Christ; before we’d even met. We did not leap into things. We took the time to get to know each other through quality time, notes, texts, and hundreds of hours on the phone together.

2.Our arguments started out as battles that didn’t end until one of us left. Later our arguments were one of us just leaving.

2. My first argument with Rainy was one of the most annoying and LONG nights of my life. I just wanted to go to bed and drop the whole thing (old me). Rainy quoted the bible at me and would not let us sleep until we’d resolved our argument and were no longer mad at each other. She was right and was doing what God’s wisdom had taught us to do. Moving forward we still have arguments, but now we talk, walk, and look to God’s wisdom in our situation to find a godly answer/compromise.

3. Latina fought me on every aspect of our lives. We were struggling money wise, so we didn’t have finer things. We couldn’t afford to go out and take the kids to theme parks. We had to scrape and pinch what we could to make sure the bills got paid and food was in the fridge.

3. I’m still struggling to hold down this large family. The bills are paid, there’s food on the table every night, but we’re far from well off. There was our first and 2nd year where we had to doordash just to make sure bills got paid. The difference is Rainy joins me in the struggle. Rainy’s got my back and helps where she can.

4. I stopped caring. I left once, but my family convinced me to go back, but I don’t think I ever went back emotionally. I went back to raise our kids and not be a weekend dad. I stayed for years with half a heart.

4. It was either Jesus or Rainy’s amazing self, but all my defensive walls came tumbling down around her. I care about her. I desire her and love her. She loves me back. We care for each other.

5. Jesus, though I’m sure he wanted to be part of our marriage, wasn’t invited. Latina and I did not practice our faith. I had entered the relationship trying to be a Christian, but I let worldly and selfish desires knock me out for far too long.

5. Jesus is the foundation of our relationship. We give thanks to Jesus in this house and our marriage. Jesus is our corner stone, our foundation.

          Our first marriage failed because we didn’t bring our hearts to Jesus and do what God’s wisdom taught us. We were selfish, weak, foolish, and tried to live life however we wanted to live it. Latina and I failed. We are not the only ones that suffered our failure though. Our kids had to suffer the fighting, the falling out, and then the years that came without a mother. If we’d held to Jesus, if we’d focused on Jesus, maybe things would’ve been different. Maybe we still would have failed as a couple, but we’d have been better parents for sure.

          No marriage will be perfect. Rainy and I have had an ideal start with Jesus all along the way. Rainy’s parents are good, Jesus loving, pastors that live the life. I strive for a relationship with Jesus like my heart hurts for him. Rainy follows the bible’s teachings on marriage and relationships in a way I didn’t think existed anymore. But, we still have times where we argue with each other or get frustrated with each other, we’re not perfect by any thing close to the word. We fall short of grace every day. Yet, we center on Jesus, and we strive to get close to each other. We fight for each other and hold up each other. We’re growing together instead of side by side.

          Bring Jesus into your life and ask him to take the lead. Go after Jesus in your marriage and let him into your life. There will be a difference.